逍遥学能 2015-07-30 12:54
高考临近，以下是一些英语幽默笑话集锦，希望对大家有所帮助！
◆1st pupil: “How do you like Mr. Smith’s class?” 2nd pupil: “I’m interested only in the last part of his class.” 1st pupil: “What is that?”2nd pupil: “Class is over.”
◆Stud. A: “Don’t bother me. I’m writing to my friend.” Stid. B: “But why are you wri- ting so slowly ?”Stud. A: “Well, she can’t read very fast.”
◆Teacher: “Johnson , will you co- rrect the fo- llowing sen- tence, please: the bull and the cow is in the field.” Johnson: “That should be’the cow and the bull is in the the field’, miss. Ladies should always go before gentlemen.”
◆Art teacher: “Pa- tricia, I told the class to draw a cow eating, but you have only drawn a cow.” Patricia: “Yes, sir—the cow has eaten all the grass.”
◆Teacher: “Kevin, why are you late this time ?”Kevin: “Please, sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.” TeacherL: “I do not see any bandage.” Kevin: “Oh, they weren’t my fingers!”
◆A young tea-cher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon con-cert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to Spi-rit, Cocacola, instant coffee, ice-cream and cakes. Just as the pupils were getting back into their bus, she said to li-ttle Sally, ”Have you enjoyed yourself today?” “Oh, yes!”saidSally.” It’s lovely. All exe-cept the music, that is.”
◆Teacher: “Stone, give me three reasons why you know the earth to be round.” Stone: “Ma says so, Pa says so, and you say so !”
◆A: “How do you spell the word ‘wrong’?”B: “R-o-n-g.” A: “That’s wrong. “B: “That’s what you asked for. “
◆Pupil A: “I saw five persons standing under an umbrella and none of them got wet.” Pupil B: “Must have been a big umbrella.” Pupil A: “No. It wasn’t raining.”
◆Stud. A: “What did you get on your birthday? “Stud. B: “A year older.”
◆Two boys weretalking about the various accidents they have suffered. “Once I couldnot walk for more than one year.” “When was that?”asked the se-cond. “When I was a baby.” Then the 2nd said, ”YesterdayI fell off an eighty-foot la-dder.” “Were you hurt?” “No, I fell off the bottom rung. “
◆Professor: “Name two pronouns.” Student: “Who, me? “Professor: “Co- rrect. Sit down , Please.”
◆Teacher: “Oxygen is essential to all animal existence. There could be no life wi- thout it. It was discovered only a century ago.” Student: “How did they live be- fore it was discovered?”
◆Professor: “There is direct and indirect taxa- tion. Give me an example of indirect taxa- tion.” Student: “The dog tax, sir.” Professor: “How is that?”Student: “The dog itself does not have to pay it.”
◆Teacher: “Tommie, spell FROG.” Tommie: (rather frightened)” F-R-F-R... “ Then the boy sitting in back of him struck him with a pin and he yelled, ”Oh, gee!”Teacher: “Correct.”
◆Chem. teacher: “Can you give me the formula for water?”Student: “h-i-j-k -l-m-n-o.” Chem. teacher: “Where did you get an idea like that?”Student: “You told us it was H to O.” Chem. teacher: “My goodness!It should be H two O, in other words it is two H and one O.”
◆Teacher: “Parkman , please spell ‘banana’.” Parkman: “B-a-n-a -n-a-n-a... Well, I know how to spell it, but I don’t know when to stop.”
◆Billy and thisbrother Alan were in the same class. The tea-cher assigned them to write a composition”My Mother”. Alan wrote oneand Billy justcopied it. On the next day the teacher asked Billy, ”Howis it that your composition is exactly the samewith Alan?” “We have the same mother, sir. “replied Billy.