逍遥学能 2014-07-19 13:21
高考临近，以下是一些英语幽默笑话集锦，希望对大家有所帮助！
◆Teacher: “In the old days men were often put in prison with- out any proper reason;but today we never think of puni- shing people for things they have not done.” Bad boy: (sulki- ly): “Then why was I criti- cized yester- day because I didn’t do my homework?”
◆Teacher: “Tommy, where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”Tommy: “At the bottom , I guess.”
◆First pupil: “What word be- comes shorter if you add two letters to it?”Second pupil: “Oh , I know. It’s” short”.
◆Professor Blank: “Hasn’t Jimmy ever married?”Student: “No, and I don’t think he intends to, because he’s studying for a bachelor’s de- gree.”
◆“A telegram from George, dear.” “Well, did he pass the exami-nation this time?” “No, but he is almost at the top of the list of those who failed.”
◆Miss Betty taught physics in a New York school. One day she said to herclass, ”Now, I have a brother in Los An-geles. If I was calling him on the phone, and at the sametime you were 75feet away, liste-ning to me, whichof you would hear what I saidearlier, my bro-ther or you-andfor what reason?”“One of the bright studentsat once answered, ”Your brother, Miss Betty, be-cause electri-city travels faster than sound waves.” But then, a girl said, ”I disagree, Miss Betty. Your brother would hear you earlier because when it’s eleven o’clock here, it’s eight o’clock in LosAngeles.”
◆Teacher: “What was George Wa- shington noted for?”Johnny: “His me- mory.”Teacher: “What makes you think his me- mory was so great?”Johnny: “They erected a mo- nument to it.”
◆Stud. : “I’m in- debted to you for all I know.”Prof. : “Oh, don’t mention such a mere trifle.”
◆During a na-tural historylesson at school, Mary was asked to give the nameof an animal peculiar to South Afri-ca. “A polar bear!”replied Mary in-stantly. The teacher frowned repro-vingly.” Come, come!Mary, ”she said, ”Polar bears are not to be found in South Africa.” “I know, ”Maryanswered, ”that’swhy it would bepeculiar.”
◆First student: “There is a guy in our school who’s a real know-it-all. So I told him no- body liked that attitude. “Second student: “And what did he say?”First student: “He said he al- ready knew that.”
◆At college Percy fell intoa cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. He didnot realize howlong he had neg-lected writing his family untilhe received thefollowing note: “Dear son, Your mother and I en-joyed your lastletter. Of course, we were much younger then, andmore impressio-nable. Love Dad.”
◆Mary began to go to school atthe age of six years old. She spent her firstday happily. Butat the end of the second day, when the other children left the classroom, she stayed be-hind and waited. “Why didn’t you go with the others, Mary?”herteacher asked kindly.”Did you want to ask me aquestion?” “Yes.” “What is it?”the teacher asked. “What did I do in school today?”The teacher laughed. “What did you ask me that, Mary?” “Beause I’m going to go homenow, ”Mary an-swered, ”and my mother is going to ask me.”
◆One day one ofthe girls in Rose’s class said to her, ”Miss Rose, why does a man’s hair become grey before his mus-tache and beard do?” Rose laughed and replied, ”I don’t know. Who can answer the question?” Then one ofthe boys said, ”I know, Miss Rose!Men’s hair be-comes grey first because it’s sixteen years older than their mustaches and beards.”
◆As a freshman, George had to take a course inwestern civili-zation from a certain profe-ssor--his father. “What is it like to have your dad for class?”he was constantly asked. “Not as stran-ge as you might think, ”he re-plied.” My father has been lec-turing me all my life. I just never had to take notes be-fore.”
◆Teacher: “What happens when there is an eclipse of the sun?”Pupil: “Many peo- ple go out into the streets to look at it.”