逍遥学能 2015-08-25 12:17
◆“Who was the first President of the United States?” a history teacher asked one of her student. The student thought for a long time, but didn’t say any-thing. Then the teacher got angry and shouted, ”George Washington!” “Come back!” the teacher said, ”I didn’t tell you to go.” “Oh, I’m sorry,” the student said, ”I thought you called the next student.”
◆Medical prof: “What would you do in the case of a person eating poisoous mushrooms ?”Student: “Recommend a change of diet.”
◆Literature prof. : “Tell me one or two things about John Milton.” Student: “Well he got married and he wrote ‘Paradise Lost’. Then his wife died and he wrote ‘Paradise Regained’.
◆English prof. : “What is the difference be- tween an ac- tive verb and a passive verb ?Stud. : “An active verb shows ac- tion and a pa- ssive verb shows passion. “
◆Grammar teacher: “A noun is the name of a per- son or a thing. Now, who can give me a noun ?”First pupil: “A cow.” Teacher: “Very good. Another noun?”Second pupil: “Another cow.”
◆Prof. : “Before we begin the examination are there any questions?”Stud. : “What’s the name of this course?”
◆First student: “Did the music teacher act- ually say your voice was hea- venly?”Second student: “Well, she did say it was u- nearthly.”
◆First student: “Which is the longest word in the English Language?”Second student: “I don’t know. Would you like to tell me what it is?”First student: It’s “smiles”. Second student: “That isn’t very long. Only six letters.” First student: “But there is a mile between the first and the last letters.
◆Teacher: “Can you tell me what a fish-net is made of?”Pupil: “A lot of little holes tied together.”
◆Once two pu-pils were tal-king about thesun and the moon. “Which of themis more useful?”asked one of them. The other an-swered, ”Oh, I know. The moon is. The moon is in the sky at nightwhen it is dark, but the sun is in the sky in the daytime when nobody wants it.”
◆Voice on tele-phone: “John is ill and can’t attend classes today. He re- quested me to notify you.” Prof. : “All right. Who is this speaking?”Voice: “This is my roommate.”
◆Prof. : “What are you reading. Tom?”Stud. : “I don’t know.” Prof. : “You don’t know?You were reading aloud, so you must know.” Stud. : “I was reading aloud, sir, but I was not listening. “
◆At a college examination a professor said: “Does the ques-tion embarrass you?” “Not at all, sir, ”replied thestudent, ”not atall. It is the answer that bo-thers me.”
◆Friend: “What is your son going to be when he’s passed his final exam ?”Father: “An old man.”
◆Reporter: “What is the profe- ssor’s resear- ch work?”Prof. ‘s house-keeper: “It con- sists princi- pally in hun- ting for his spectacles.”
◆“Professor, whydo you use threepairs of eyegla-sses?” “Yes, one pairfor long sight, one pair for short sight, and the third to look for the other two.”
◆Teacher: “Billy, what’s a syno- nym?”Student: “It’s word you used in place of another one when you can not spell the other one.”
◆Father: “Well, son , what’s your place on the school-list this month?”Son: “I’m twenty -sixth.” Father: “How many pupils are there in your class?”Son: “Twenty-six. “(A month later)Father: “Well, son , what’s your place on the list now?”Son: “Twenty- seven. Father: “How can that be?If I remember co- rrectly, there are only twenty-six in your class.” Son: “Oh, no, we have a new boy now.”