逍遥学能 2018-10-04 18:21
We all care about what others think of us and want to be liked.
我们都在乎别人怎么看待我们，都渴望被别人喜欢。
The basics of getting people to like you are obvious — be nice, be considerate, be a decent human being. However, there are also many smaller, more discreet things you can do that can have a huge effect on how others perceive you.
让别人喜欢上你的基本方法很明显——要和蔼、考虑周到、正派。然而你还能做一些更细小、更简单的事，这会对其他人对你的印象造成巨大影响。
1. Use a Person's Name.
叫对方的名字。
Let's face it — we're all huge narcissists and we all love the sound of our own name. Learn names and make use of them. Always use an individual's name in a conversation. This tried-and-true technique is sure to increase your fan base.
我们要面对现实——我们都很自恋，喜欢听别人叫自己的名字，问问别人的名字并且用名字称呼他们，和别人聊天时要经常提到对方的名字。这个行之有效的技巧一定会为你赢得众多粉丝。
2. Smile — With Feeling!
微笑——要发自内心！
When someone offers a huge grin brimming with authenticity, happiness rubs off on its receivers. There have been many studies showing how mood, whether positive or negative, spreads between individuals. If your positive attitude brightens someone else's day, that person will love you for it.
当有人真心实意地微笑时，幸福会感染对方。曾有很多研究表明无论是积极还是消极的情绪都会在人与人之间传递。如果你的积极态度让别人一天都感到幸福，他也会因此爱上你。
3. Listen (Not Just With Your Ears).
倾听（不只是用耳朵）。
It's probably a no-brainer that people will like you more if you listen to them. This starts with ignoring your Twitter feed while out to dinner with friends, but goes a lot further than that. You can show you're listening to someone through body language (positioning your body to face someone and mirroring his or her stance), eye contact (giving plenty of it), and verbal confirmation (we'll talk more about this next).
如果你聆听别人的倾诉，他们就会更喜欢你，这件事可能很好理解。你可以从跟朋友出去吃饭时不看推特做起，但你需要做的还有很多。你可以用肢体语言（身体要面向对方模仿对方的姿势）、眼神交流（这个要有很多）和言语上的确认（我们接下来要多聊聊这件事）来表明你在听对方说话。
4. Use Verbal Confirmation.
言语确认。
Most psychology books refer to this technique as "active listening." Active listening revolves around demonstrating your listening skills by repeating segments of what an individual has said to you.
大多数心理学书籍把这个称为“积极倾听”。积极倾听围绕的是通过重复对方的一部分话来证明你的倾听技巧。
In speech this kind of dialogue can actually go a long way to make people like you more. It makes the other individual feel as though you really are paying attention. Plus, people love to hear their own words echoed back at them as it pats their egos a bit.
在实际对话中这种对话能继续下去并使人们更喜欢你。这会使对方感觉你真的很投入，此外，人们喜欢听到他们的话被附和，这能提高他们的自信。
5. Conversation Recall: Prove You're Paying Attention.
对话回想：证明你在注意听。
To really show someone you've been paying attention, try bringing up a topic that the person mentioned earlier. Did your co-worker talk about working with his son on a science fair project last week? Follow up and ask how it went. They don’t have to be big, life-changing events. In fact, sometimes it says more that you can recall and show interest in even the small happenings in another person's life.
为了真正表明你在注意听，你可以试着提出对方之前提过的话题。你的同事谈论上周和他儿子一起参加科学展览了？你可以接着这个话题问问他展览怎么样。他们说的可能都不是威胁生命的大事，其实有时你能回忆起他们说的话、甚至对对方生活里的小事都感兴趣才更有说服力。
6. Sincere Compliments and Plentiful Praise.
真诚的赞美和各种称赞。
As noted again by the famous self-improvement expert Dale Carnegie, individuals crave authentic appreciation. This is very different from empty flattery, which most people are adept at detecting. No one likes a brown-nose, and most people don't particularly love being pandered to. What people really want is sincere appreciation — to be recognized and appreciated for their efforts.
著名的自我提高方面的专家戴尔·卡内基再次表明每个人都渴望真诚的欣赏。这和空洞的奉承有很大区别，大部分人都容易发觉。谁都不喜欢拍马屁，大部分人尤其不喜欢被人迎合。人们真正想要的是真诚的欣赏——他们的努力被认可被赞赏。
7. Handle Criticism With Tact.
批评要委婉。
While you want to be generous with your praise, be stingy with your criticism. People have delicate egos, and even a slight word of condemnation can wound someone's pride. If someone makes an error, don't call that person out in front of a group. Consider praising before and after a criticism.
虽然赞扬时不该吝啬，但批评别人时要注意。人们的自尊心都很脆弱，即使一点点指责都会伤害到人的自尊。如果有人犯错误了，不要当着一群人的面说出来。你可以考虑在批评前后都称赞对方。
Another strategy for diplomatically dispensing corrections is to begin by discussing your own mistakes before digging into someone else's errors. Ultimately, aim to be always gentle with criticism and only offer it when it's truly needed.
另外一个委婉纠正别人的方法就是先说说自己的错误，然后再深究别人的错误。你的最终目的就是要委婉地批评，真有必要时才给予指正。
8. Avoid Issuing Orders — Ask Questions Instead.
避免发号施令——用问题来代替。
No one enjoys being bossed around. So what do you do when you need something done? The truth is that you can get the same result from asking a question as you can by giving an order. The outcome may be the same, but the individual's feeling and attitude can vary greatly depending on your approach.
没有人喜欢被别人发号施令，所以你需要让别人做点事时该怎么办呢？其实你可以用问题来代替命令也能得到同样的效果。结果是一样的，但你采取的方法不同，对方的感受和态度就会不同。
9. Be a Real Person, Not a Robot.
做一个真正的人，不做机器人。
People like to see character and authenticity. Try to be confident but respectful. Some cooperation experts suggest stepping toward a person and bending slightly forward when you're introduced, in a gesture of a bow. These kinds of gestures can go a long way toward making people think more highly of you.
人们喜欢看到个性和真实的一面，努力表现得自信但有礼貌。一些合作专家建议你朝一个人走去，把你介绍给别人时你要微微俯身，做出鞠躬的姿势。这些姿势都有助于别人对你作出更高评价。
10. Become an Expert in Storytelling.
善于讲故事。
People love a good story, and great stories require sophisticated storytellers. Storytelling is an art form that requires understanding of language and pacing. Master the fine oral tradition of storytelling and people will flock to you like you're The Bard.
人们都喜欢好故事，好故事也要有擅长的人来讲。讲故事是一门艺术，需要对语言的理解并注意语速。掌握这种好的口述故事方法，人们就会聚集在你身边奉你为诗人。
11. Physical touch.
身体接触。
This one's a bit tricky, and I hesitate to even mention it because obviously it needs to be done in a certain manner. However, it has been shown that very subtle physical touch makes individuals feel more connected to you. A great example is gently touching someone's forearm (with your left hand) while shaking hands (with your right hand) — it's a great way to finish up a conversation. Not everyone will feel comfortable with this strategy, and if it's not for you, that's fine.
这一条有点不好办，我犹豫要不要提，因为你需要注意方式。然而，有研究表明极其细微的身体接触会使对方感觉跟你更亲密。一个很好的例子就是（用右手）握手时，（用你的左手）轻轻触碰对方的前臂——这个方法很适用于聊天结束时，但不适用于所有人，如果你不习惯也没关系。
12. Ask for advice.
征求意见。
Asking someone for advice is, somewhat surprisingly, a great strategy for getting people to like you. Asking for advice shows that you value the other individual's opinion and demonstrates respect. Everyone likes to feel needed and important. When you make someone feel better about himself or herself, that person will most certainly end up liking you for it.
有点意外吧，向别人征求意见很容易让别人喜欢上你。征求意见表明你看重他们的想法也能显示你的尊重。每个人都喜欢被需要以及他们很重要的感觉，你让别人自我感觉更好了，他最终也会因此喜欢你的。
13. Avoid the clichés.
避免老生常谈。
Let's face it — most of us don't like boring people. Instead, we like the unusual, the unique — sometimes even the bizarre. One great example of situations in which it's important to avoid clichés is in interviews. Rather than parroting the "nice to meet you"s at the conclusion of an interview, add some kind of variation to make you memorable, even in a tiny way. Try something like "I've really enjoyed talking with you today". You don't have to reinvent the wheel — just be yourself.
我们要面对现实——大多数人都不喜欢无聊的人。相反，我们喜欢不寻常的独特的人——有时甚至怪异的我们都喜欢。一个很好的例子就是在面试中这点很重要，不要鹦鹉学舌般地在面试结束时说“很高兴见到你。”这一类的话，你可以变换一种说法来使别人记住你，即使有一点改变都行。试试这样说“今天和你聊天真的很开心。”你不需要重复，做好你自己就行。
14. Ask questions.
问问题。
Asking other people questions — about their lives, their interests, their passions — is a surefire way to get brownie points in their friendship books. People are egocentric — they love to talk about themselves. If you're asking questions and getting people to talk about themselves, they'll leave the conversation thinking you're the coolest. Even if the conversation didn't really give the other person a reason to like you, he or she will think better of you subconsciously just for indulging this or her ego.
问别人一些关于它们生活、兴趣或爱好的问题是赢得友谊屡试不爽的方法。人们都以自我为中心——他们喜欢讨论自己。如果你问问题，让他们谈论关于自己的事，聊完天的时候他们会觉着你真好。即使对话内容真的没法让对方喜欢上你，但就因为沉浸在这种自我价值感里，他或她在潜意识里也会对你印象更好。